When a Loved One is Suicidal
As a therapist I’ve heard it many times and in many difference ways. “I think I’ll kill myself” is the most obvious indicator of suicidal ideation, but there are other ways of expressing a desire to die. “I just wish I wouldn’t wake up in the morning,” “My life is no longer worth living,” and “There is nothing else for me in this life” are just a few other phrases that could indicate a sufferer’s desire to commit suicide. If you are at the receiving end of such thoughts and feelings, I would like to offer some practical help as you seek to minister to and support your suicidal loved one.
Warning Signs of Suicide
While reasons and factors vary for those who try to commit suicide, there are warning signs of which you should be aware: [1]
Talking about wanting to die or to kill oneself - Some might hear a suicide threat and think it is merely a cry for attention. And while that could be true in some cases, never take a suicide threat lightly.
A recent traumatic event can predispose someone to believe that life is no longer worth living after tragedy.
Looking for a way to kill oneself, such as searching online (i.e. “how to kill yourself”) or buying a gun.
Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live.
Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain (physical, mental, or emotional).
Talking about being a burden to others.
Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs, especially when combined with a pre-existing mood or mental health disorder.
Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly.
Sleeping too little or too much.
Withdrawing or feeling isolated.
Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge for a perceived hurt.
Displaying extreme mood swings.
Losing interest in things, or losing the ability to experience pleasure.
Looking for ways to sell or donate many of his/her possessions.
What Should I Do if My Loved One is Suicidal?
First, don’t panic. Overreacting to a confession of suicidal feelings can create distance between you and your loved one. Be willing to listen to your loved one without offering correction or judgment. You don’t have to be a trained professional to provide space for someone to express emotional pain. A show of genuine interest and concern can go a long way in giving you the right to speak hope and encouragement.
Second, if your loved one has a plan in place, ask about the plan and remove the means of commission. If that means you have to go to a parent or other authority figure to ask them to lock up guns or knives, do it. It is common for someone who is suicidal to be upset as a result of such action, but your inaction could be costly.
It is also worth noting the importance of not making any promises of secrecy to the suicidal person. Your loved one is likely not thinking clearly right now, so by inviting you into his pain you now share responsibility for the life of the suicidal individual. Avoid the temptation to get wrapped up in heightened emotions or threats if you were to tell someone. The wisest thing you can do is reach out for further support.
When to Report Suicide Suspicions
If your loved one has a plan for committing suicide and the means to do so, it is necessary to seek professional help. Several national organizations exist for suicide prevention, and any of them are a great place to start. You can call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time day or night, or chat online. Crisis Text Line also provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they dial 741741. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has resources to help if you need to find support for yourself or your loved one.
If you don’t trust your loved one to reach out on his own, offer to call a hotline with him or be the one to make an appointment or drive him to a professional counselor. But don’t assume that every mental health professional is skilled in handling suicidal ideation. A recent article in USA Today suggests that many licensed professionals are uninformed and even afraid of handling the suicidal individual.[2] We at Tapestry Counseling Center, however, are compassionate helpers who aren’t afraid of suicidal ideation and know how to help your loved one. Please, give us a call at 903-316-5711 or email us securely through our website. You and your loved one do not have to walk this road alone!
[1]Suicidepreventionlifeline.org
[2]https://www.usatoday.com/in-depth/news/nation/2020/02/27/suicide-prevention-therapists-rarely-trained-treat-suicidal-people/4616734002/