In his famous Sermon on the Mount, Jesus describes a list of character traits that are blessed in the Kingdom of God (see Matthew chapter 4). Though it seems counterintuitive, he goes on to name several groups of people that will be blessed, including the poor in spirit (v. 3), those in mourning (v. 4), the meek (v. 5), and the persecuted (v. 10). These groups don’t often look - let alone feel - blessed. As a counselor, I am daily invited into the lives of those in mourning, those grieving losses that are hard to name, let alone cope with. It’s hard stuff. If we’re honest with ourselves, everyone has something to mourn - the loss of a loved one, a lost job, an unfulfilled dream. And that’s really key - honesty. Because not all of us are honest with our grief.
If you are honest with your grief - that is, if you have the courage to mourn, you are blessed.You see, you are not avoiding your emotions, or pretending they aren’t there, seeking to numb your body through mindless scrolling or busy-ness. And as a result, these emotions and experiences are not being stored in your body (see Bessel Van Der Kolk’s “The Body Keeps the Score”). There’s a concept in psychology called “allostatic load” - which basically means the amount of stress your particular body is accustomed to carry as a sort of baseline. Those of us who ignore or pretend we aren’t grieving tend to have a higher allostatic load - putting undue pressure on and inflammation in our bodies (which can lead to a variety of physical illnesses). So if you are courageously pressing forward in your grief, through talking with friends and family, through journaling and reflection, through therapy and exercise, then you are giving yourself a gift that cannot be understated. You are creating opportunities for those around you to support you and comfort you. You yourself become a resource for comfort and care. And in doing so, the neural pathways in your brain begin to change in such a way that you can start to imagine that though you have lost something profound, a future still exists in which joy can still be found.
It’s all right there. Scripture and science both point to this incredible reality that those with the courage to mourn will be comforted. So take heart, you who grieve. It is not in vain.
For more resources on grief and mourning, check out the following publications:
Allender, Dan & Longman, Tremper. “The Cry of the Soul.” 1994
Sittser, Jerry “A Grace Disguised.” 1995, 2004
Ramsey, K. J. “This Too Shall Last.” 2020.