Loneliness reaches all of us at some point in our lives. None of us are immune. The 14-year-old in the lunchroom, the recently widowed woman, the young married couple working opposite hours, the young man moving away from his hometown, the woman with a chronic illness, the older gentleman in the assisted living facility, the pastor, the one who experienced abandonment, or the person who was rejected - all feel a sense of loneliness. We have more ways than ever to connect virtually, yet there is an astonishing number of us that would say in reality, we feel lonely. Health services company, Cigna, affirms this epidemic of loneliness. Over half of adults would say they feel alone. The longing we have to connect is not incidental but intentional by the God who created us. We were created to be in community with others. God tells us himself in Genesis 2:18 “It is not good that man should be alone.” And, yet, because we live in a broken world, we experience loneliness.
The shame of feeling alone can entice us to escape by binge watching the hottest new series on Netflix or scrolling through social media apps. Oftentimes, loneliness results in people turning to addictions. We don’t have to attempt an escape from our loneliness. There is hope that we can experience connection with others in the way God intended when we confess our loneliness to God and others.
Dr. Dan Allender and his wife, Becky, discuss the realities of loneliness and the way to tend to our lonely hearts on their podcast, Epidemic of Loneliness series. “As Scripture tells us, it is the truth that sets us free. The courage to name our loneliness and invite others to engage it with us is the beginning of what it means to foster connection and restoration in our most lonely places. We turn our faces to each other, owning our own condition and witnessing the condition of others.”
So, practically speaking, what do we do when we experience loneliness?
Seek Time to be alone with God. God created us to be in community with others but first wants us to spend time in His presence. “In His presence is fullness of Joy.” (Psalm 16:11). Jesus himself took time to get alone with God. (Mark 6:46)
Pray for faith to believe in our promise keeping God who says, “I will never leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5)
Pray that God would use this season to create a sense of longing for Him as well as empathy and compassion for others.
We should acknowledge it and name it like any distressing emotion in order to reduce its reactivity. Don’t try to suppress it or outrun it! Reveal your loneliness to a trusted person in your life.
Create an authentic experience to engage with others: attend church, get involved in a small group bible study, or community group, serve in your local church or community, start a book club, host a neighborhood block party, take a class and engage with your classmates, meet a friend for dinner or a walk in the park, invite someone new to have coffee with you (we are not short of coffee shops in the area).
These things require intentionality. When my own heart has been heavy with loneliness and I practiced these things in my life, God has provided a sense of comfort, peace, and gratitude which also generates compassion for others.