Finding Joy

I sat in church today struggling to experience feelings of happiness, excitement, and enjoyment. Instead I felt a sense of disappointment, sadness, grief, and anxiety. This has been a season of loss for me. As I continued to sit in church and ponder why I was even there we began to sing a song by Phil Wickham, House of the Lord. The song speaks of Joy in the house of the Lord…”Joy?” That is definitely not what I am experiencing right now. As we continued to sing I began to consider each word we sang even though I didn’t feel it. Slowly, I began to experience something deep and fulfilling in my soul. I felt a sense of hope and an incredible peace. I wouldn’t say the sadness was gone, but something was overriding it. I believe in those moments I was experiencing true Joy. 

There is no way to fully explain the complex nature of joy in this short blog, but hopefully these are practical and helpful insights on experiencing joy. 

Joy is much deeper than happiness and can be present in the midst of circumstances that are not what we hoped or expected. Dr. Henry Emmons, MD, explains on his Joy Lab Podcast, “it is possible to feel joyful even in the midst of dealing with a problem. Joy is not just an emotion but it is a state of being.” The science of joy tells us when we focus on what is true and what is positive we can choose joy. It is not necessarily about the struggle to find joy but more about the surrender. This is exactly what I have experienced. When I began to stop fighting against my grief and anxiety and surrendered to the truth that, “yes, I am sad, but right now in this moment I am safe enough, I am surrounded by my family and friends, I have coffee (an early morning must for me) sufficient clothes to keep me warm, and I belong to a God who is for me not against me.” We must ask ourselves when we lack a sense of joy…”Where is my attention? Am I stuck on the distressing emotions and what is wrong in my life or can I see a glimpse of some positive aspects, thoughts of gratitude for what is good?” Marcus Warner in his book, Understanding the Wounded Heart, states, “The more we practice appreciation, the greater our capacity for joy grows.” Appreciation or gratitude is focusing on the positive and surrendering the expectations we have.  Dr. Henry Emmons reveals that Joy is natural, easy, and always a choice. He also proposes that joy is not the opposite of depression but a peaceful and natural state of being woven into our nature. 

For those of us who confess a trust and faith in Jesus Christ: 

We can experience joy that is greater than any trial we face. “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.” (James 1:2) 

We have access to joy from the Holy Spirit living within us. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22) “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” (Romans 15:13). 

We find joy in God’s presence. “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” (Psalm 16:11).

For some there are complexities at play, wounds that run deep and trauma impacting the brain, but there is hope for healing. Whatever we have faced or will face in this life, there is a way to reset our natural emotional bent and practice choosing joy until it becomes our default. 

Resources:

Phil Wickham - House Of The Lord (Official Lyric Video)

 Warner, Marcus, (2013 and 2019) Understanding the Wounded Heart

When Christmas Isn't Merry

Whether you’re facing the first Christmas season without your loved one, or are approaching this season with many anniversaries already under your belt, grief can sometimes derail what’s supposed to be “the most wonderful time of year.” So what happens when Christmas isn’t merry? 

Many people feel obligated to experience joy and excitement around the holiday season. There are strong expectations and “fear of missing out,” especially when there are traditions to enact and a social media presence to maintain. Let’s face it - our society doesn’t do a great job of supporting us when we’re mourning the loss of, well, anything. But as research shows, our ‘body keeps the score’ and whether we like it or not, sometimes our grief comes out at inopportune moments. The best gift you can give yourself, or anyone else who’s grieving, is flexibility. 

Here at Tapestry Counseling, we are cognizant of the impact that COVID-19 has had on our community, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. In years past, we have provided information about grief during the holidays in churches and local coffee shops in a one-hour presentation. This year, because of the nature of our collective losses, we produced a video to widen our reach to those who need it most. It is our hope that this 30 minute presentation will offer hope to those facing the next few months with uncertainty. 

As always, if you are struggling with symptoms of grief and need extra support, Tapestry Counseling is available to provide individual and family counseling services. You are not alone.